East German spokesman: We hear your cries. Behold our sweeping proposal to touch up the Berlin Wall, pending unlikely approval.

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Photo by Alliance/DPA

“ Democrats proposed a far-reaching overhaul of police procedures and accountability Monday, a sweeping legislative response to the mass protests denouncing the deaths of black Americans in the hands of law enforcement.” — AP, 6/7/20

This country is coming apart. We see it every day, looking out from our palace, these mass demonstrations conducted by peasants from Dresden to Berlin. You, the East German people, have suffered decades of oppression by the Stasi police state. The foundation is rotten, so we know what we must do.

It is long past time to give the Berlin Wall a makeover.

The Socialist Unity Party of Germany shares the deep grief and frustration of those calling out for change, and we acknowledge the urgent need for reform. So, we are proud to announce the following measures that will be dismissed swiftly by national leadership:

As peaceful people all over the country turn out to drink from the cup of freedom, we must ensure that their safety and constitutional rights are being respected. Accordingly, it is with immense pride that we the Socialist Unity Party of Germany submit this sweeping legislation to national leadership so that it may be etched firmly into law, just as soon as last year’s gun legislation is passed.

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